Shake it off…shake it offf

Have you ever heard something bad about yourself and just let it eat you from the inside out?  Even if that something isn’t true, just to know someone thought something negative about you, it’s almost more than you can handle.

Yesterday, I came across some information that listed some feedback about me.  When I first read it, I was immediately so mad.  How dare they say things about me that:

  1.  weren’t true
  2. were hurtful
  3. and were just downright mean spirited

I really stewed on these comments for quite awhile.  It started to have a damper on how my day was going.  I’m not one who usually stews about things.  Usually things just roll off my shoulders without much thought (which drives my husband crazy) but for some reason, this was sticking with me.

I had to have a pep talk with myself and reminded myself that it really doesn’t matter what one person thinks.  If I was as bad as I was made out to be, I wouldn’t have a job, family or friends because who would want to be around me.

It reminded me that I need to just shake it off and move on.  I do need to probably keep my sarcasm in check sometimes because apparently some people don’t understand sarcasm, but as long as I’m being the best me I can be, I’ll shake it off and move on.

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I hate it when he’s right

Blake has always been against getting a trampoline for our kids. He always said they are too dangerous.  We had one when I was growing up. I didn’t remember them being dangerous. 

Imagine our surprise when Santa brought a trampoline Christmas morning!

Fast forward to yesterday, the first day warm enough to put the new trampoline together.  After a slow start and some help from great neighbors, the trampoline was all ready for fun. The kids and their friends jumped and jumped and had a great time. 

Later that day, I decided to give the trampoline a whirl. How long has it been?  Probably at least 15 years…

It wasn’t too long into the jumping  that I realized that it’s more tiring than I can remember. We were having a great time until Parker went flying through the air and landed on his hand. 

Parker is not a complainer. I witnessed this kid several years ago clothesline himself while riding a bike and riding right into the tailgate of the truck. I was scared to look at what damage had been done but he jumped up and was fine. The kid doesn’t get hurt and if he does, it never stops him. 

Last night he whined a little about his hand but kept on with his nightly fun. This morning, he wasn’t able to get dressed or use his hand much. 

After a quick trip to urgent care, we learned it’s just a strain and just needs to rest for awhile. Thank goodness!  I’m already in the doghouse but if he had broken his hand, I would never hear the end of it.

Lesson learned:  I only jump on the trampoline alone. The kids can’t handle all this fun. 

  

Surviving life

2015 is coming to a close. It was a rough one. As a family we survived one of the biggest blows that I have ever experienced. The good news is, we survived.

If you know Blake at all, you know he never sits still. He works hard every day to keep the family business thriving and then comes home and does more than his share around the house. It’s just who he is.

That’s how I knew he wasn’t feeling well last February.  He would come home and sit. He wasn’t eating, he didn’t feel well, he didn’t look well. He was not well.

I remember one late night, I was driving Blake to Kansas City after our local ER had told us that was the best option, I was driving and thinking, “This is where our life changes forever.”  Who knew how right I was?

That night’s ER visit did not get us any answers. They sent us home after all night of waiting telling us he was fine. We came home to our favorite doctor and she helped us find answers.

Side note:  if your doctor ever wants to come to your house with results from tests, it’s probably not a good thing. We tease her about that now but her compassion, dedication and love for our family is something we will never be able to repay her for.

She had the MRI results back and I’ll never forget her words, she dropped her head in her hands and told us Blake had “lesions all over his brain”.

We knew this more than likely meant MS. Blake’s dad has fought a long, hard battle with this horrible disease so we are no stranger to it.

This is when God started working.  Miraculously we went from not able to see a neurologist for weeks to getting an appointment that next day with one of the best MS doctors around.

After a couple days of living it up at KU Med (the only thing the Jayhawks ever did right) Blake was on the road to recovery, this time, and did not have a diagnosis of MS yet….

Our life slowly got back to normal. Blake got settled into a life of medicines and shots and felt better little by little.

I’m happy to report that we have had a somewhat normal rest of the year. We had a great vacation where we walked all over Chicago, Blake golfed and hunted a lot all season long.

We headed back to the doctor at the beginning of December just sure he would get “patient of the year” because of how well he had been doing.  We were shocked when the doctor told us he had a couple new lesions. Because we have now experienced a change, Blake officially has multiple sclerosis.

He’s changed medicines and is continuing the fight. Overall, he still works hard at work and at home.

We’ve learned a lot throughout this past year

Our kids are stronger than we ever gave them credit for.  We have explained all of this to the extent they can understand and need and they have taken it all in stride. I think they are sad Blake isn’t doing shots anymore because it was a family affair.

We have learned who we can count on. We would like to thank those of you who have prayed for us, asked how we were doing, helped with our kids and brought us meals. It means a lot.

We are definitely closer as a couple. This has brought about a lot of conversations about how we want to fight and how we are coping with all of it. We are determined to fight as hard as we can and do everything we can to beat this horrible disease.

For me, the hardest past was having an unknown future. I’m a planner. I hate not having a plan or taking forever to get a plan. I was beyond devastated to know that I no longer have a way of knowing what our future looks like. Through my struggles, God really made clear to me that no one is promised tomorrow.  We can plan all we want and one second can change your life so really our future is no different than anyone else’s.

Our main reason for sharing is that we know, especially in small towns, people talk. We want to make sure the correct story is the story that is shared. Please don’t hesitate to ask us how Blake is doing. We are happy to share with you. We don’t want anyone to feel sorry for us. We are so blessed and have such a great life. There is no reason to feel sorry for us. You never know, a cure could be right around the corner.

The main thing I learned is that everyone has a story. Everyone has baggage.  Before we get frustrated with one another, let’s take a step back and realize we have no idea what the other person is going through. We are all just surviving.

Library family

It’s no secret that my job is my passion. You don’t have to be around me too long to figure out that I love what I do.  Libraries and getting people passionate about reading is what I’m about. 

I love coming to Spring Conference for MASL each year. It’s like summer camp when you see your friends each year. It’s so nice to talk with people who understand your daily struggles and successes. 

This year I have an added appreciation for my MASL family. It’s no secret that I’m not as involved as I have been in past years. Some of that is due to my time on committees coming to an end and some of that is due to the fact that my world got rocked about 2 months ago and I wasn’t even sure I would be able to attend Spring Conference. Thankfully things have settled down during this crazy year I’ve had and I’ve been able to attend as well as present at this year’s conference. 

It is evident  that I have connections with these people in the library world but what has been overwhelming to me is how many people have taken time out of their busy conference schedule to ask about Blake (who they have never met), hug my neck, tell me they have been praying for us…  I appreciate all of these kind words more than you will ever know. It’s nice to know someone has your back. 

Thank you

Smiling through it all

One of my dear friends mentioned that I haven’t blogged in awhile.

Where have I been?

For the past seven months, my life has kind of fallen apart.  I say that with a smile on my face.  Our family has gone through a rough patch of life but those things happen.

In the fall, I had carpal tunnel surgery.  It needed to happen, it was a success, I’m moving on and still getting stronger every day.

In 6 months time, between Blake and I, we lost 3 grandmas.  The silver lining of this is that we were able to have those lovely ladies for over 35 years of our lives.  Many of our friends haven’t had that experience.  Although we miss them terribly and I still pick up the phone to call my grandma all the time, it’s the circle of life.  I never would have dreamt that my kids would be able to tell their kids about their great-grandmas some day and my kids are old enough that they will have memories.  For that I am grateful.

Blake had some serious medical issues happening in February.  We are still getting all our ducks in a row but I’m happy to report that he is back to his old self (for the most part).  Figuring out what the new normal looks like.  I was explaining to Paige the other day that yes, there is a chance he could get sick again but this time, we have the right doctors, the right hospital, the right medicines.  The scary part is the unknown.  I’m thankful for God opening the doors we needed opened and I’m super thankful for technology and medical researchers who continue to find cures for horrible diseases our loved ones have to fight.

We are ready for a normal, boring routine of life to find us again.  With that all being said, we now have 2 kids who know how to ride their bikes and one more day care payment before summer and kindergarten.

I think the thing I’ve learned through all of our exciting times is that many people walk through life with a smile and are hurting inside.  Maybe they’re hurting physically or maybe their world is crumbling around them.  All around us people are hurting.

Be aware.

Maybe someone bit your head off at work but it really has nothing to do with you.

Maybe someone cut you off when you were driving because they had a lot on their mind.

We live in a self-centered world.  I’m learning to be more mindful of people around me.  If only everyone would try this, think how wonderful the world would be.

the quieter you become the more you can hear [explored]

Social Awkwardness

People and their behaviors are strange.

Most of the time I live in my own little world and don’t pay attention to other people but lately, I have started noticing somethings.

I consider myself an nice, polite person.  I would never knowingly do or say something that would hurt someone’s feelings, BUT I am very sarcastic and notorious for sticking my foot in my mouth.

The thing I’ve been noticing lately comes more with manners.  I will always hold a door for someone, smile in passing, that sort of thing.  Am I strange?  I notice people walking by me all the time, they don’t make eye contact or speak.  Many times it’s even people that I know.  No matter who I pass in the hallway at work or in the aisle at Walmart, if I’m not distracted, I will always make contact and smile or say hello.  This doesn’t seem to be the case with others.

So which person in that scenario is socially correct?  Am I a weird, stalker girl because I’m overly friendly?  Is it common courtesy to say hello in passing or at least make eye contact and smile?

Things that make me go hmm….

A Look into Parker’s World

Have you seen the video of the little 5-year old who uses the word apparently repeatedly in a news interview?

If you have met my son, you know that he could have easily been the kid in that video.  My five-year-old keeps life interesting and you never know what he is going to say.  Here is a little taste of some of my past Facebook statuses:

On the way to basketball practice tonight, a song came in Klove and I mentioned that it was a song I wanted played at my funeral someday.
Parker: well Mom, I’m going to stand up and talk at your funeral
Me: Really? What will you say?
Parker: I don’t have it all figured out yet and I don’t want to ruin it. You’ll hear it soon.

P: will someone get me some tea?
Me: drink some water
P: guess I’ll get the tea myself it’s the only option I got.

I ask the kids: what are you guys watching?
Both of them: I don’t know
Parker: but it’s not naked people and cuss words.

Spent some time ringing the bell today. Here are some Parker quotes:
-On the way: we are going to be rich! (Followed by an explanation of why we were ringing the bell)
-That guy looks like Obi Wan Knobi with a beard
-Mom, your ringing is pathetic. By the way what does pathetic mean?

This is just the last month of our life…we don’t have many boring moments around here.