Fall is a memorable time of year.
There starts to be a crispness to the mornings, you get back in a routine of going to school, pumpkin-flavored everything starts appearing, and the leaves start changing colors.
For me, fall has another memory attached to it that is bittersweet.
In September of 2008, we got the exciting news that our family would become a family of four. One week later, we got the unforgettable news that for whatever reason, that baby’s life was over.
It was one week.
Eight days, I believe.
It’s amazing how your world can change and then come crashing down in eight days. If I hadn’t been so aware, I might never have even known that baby had a place in my heart.
We hadn’t told many people yet…we were waiting til it was safe…but then I was grieving in silence because not many people knew. People probably thought I was just in a grouchy mood, they didn’t realize I was grieving for my child. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but at the same time, I wanted to crawl in a hole and not talk to anyone. How do you start that conversation?
We survived that dark time. With the help of God, my family, my amazing husband and super cute little 2 year old, I healed. I know that there is another child of mine that is hanging out in heaven with some pretty awesome people, just waiting to meet me.
One year later, Parker was born. Crazy, funny, super-smart, tough, cuddly Parker…
I don’t pretend to understand why God’s plan is the way it is. I do know that I can’t imagine my life without Parker.